Harry Potter and the Big Chunk of Ice
by Snowflake1040
Summary: [One Shot] The Trio plus Luna are on their way to Hogwarts when all of a sudden tragedy strikes. Special guest star, Viktor Krum.


Harry Potter and the Pillar of Storge  
  
Disclaimer- I do not own this title nor do i own harry potter. If i did, I would be JK Rowling, which I'm not.  
  
WARNING- CHARACTERS ARE OUT OF CHARACTER!!  
  
Luna Lovegood stared hopelessly at the one thing that would make her stare, Harry Potter's storm shaped tattoo. Drool dripped rather noiselessly from her mouth as she gaped at the boy. She coudn't help it. And neither could the rest of the trio. Ron was in a mixed state of amazement and anger. Amazed that Harry had the guts to go through with it and angry that he didn't didn't get to tag along. Hermione, on the other hand, was quite pleased.  
  
"So, Harry, doing anything tonight?", the Brown-Haired Brainiac inquired.  
  
"Yes Granger, it's called sleeping", came the quite cold reply. Harry, it seemed, also picked a fierce attitude to complement the tattoo.  
  
Hermione looked quite taken aback. Luna continued to stare as if she had a severe case of mental redardation and Ron punched his fist in the air and gave a triumphant whoop.  
  
"Touchdown for TEAM POTTER!"  
  
At this point tears began to roll down Hermione's face. The train to Hogwarts seemed to take forever and to make matters worse it started to hail. Hermione felt as if she would die if she stayed a moment longer. She was just about to get up and dramatically make an exsit when all of a sudden the compartment door slid open and--  
  
Viktor Krum walked in.  
  
"Cripes I say! What in the devil has happened to you Hermione?", exclaimed the sports star. Apparently the boy has been getting English lessons.  
  
"Nothing Vicky", sobbed the Drama Queen. Snot dripped unattractively down her robes.  
  
"What are you doing here Krum?"hissed Ron. He had unshielded his wand and without hesitation cried, "Imperio!"  
  
Immediatly Krum fell to the floor and professed his undying love to......Harry Potter.   
  
"Oh Harry dearest! I profess to you my undying love! Will you marry me?"  
  
Harry seemed to be pondering this question while Hermione let out a shriek of despair. Her boyfriend was homo! Because she was on the rebound, Ron took advantage of that and asked her out. Meanwhile, Luna is still staring dumbly.  
  
"Well you seem like a rich.....uh.....nice guy. Sure, what the hay?"  
  
"Wonderful! I own a wedding parlor in Texas. Wanna tie the knot there?"  
  
"Fool! Your gonna get a gay marridge in BUSH COUNRTY?", spat Harry, "Not even Voldemort would do that!"  
  
Krum didn't have time for a reply because all of a sudden a considerly large chunk of hail crashed through the window and hit Luna in the back of her head. She fell over and twitched a bit and shouted, "I beleive in you OJ!", before she died. Everyone (including Ron and Hermione who were snogging in the corner) stopped and watched the whole thing. After a moment of scilence they looked at each other and laughed hysterically.  
  
"Did you see that whale of a thing hit her head?!?!", gasped Hermione through laughs.  
  
"I think they killed Kenny like that once!", cried Ron who now had tears of laughter running down his face.  
  
"And the crackpot's last words were, 'I believe in you OJ!'. Come on, everyone know's he did it!", Harry managed to say betwwen laughs.  
  
"Excuse me everyone," said Krum who was upset that he wasn't getting any attention, "scince I am unbeleivably rich, I would like to buy you all Kroger Brand beer to celebrate!" said Krum with a smile on his face. "And I'm gonna kill Ron for putting me under that curse!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!", shrieked Hermione, "I love him!"  
  
"Too bad, Tootse!"  
  
"You'll never kill me!"  
  
"Oh ya?"  
  
"Ya!"  
  
"Avada Kedavra!"   
  
Ron crumpled on the floor. He was dead. Hermione was overcome with grief.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!! Ronlad!"  
  
And in a desperate move, she pointed her wand to her head and cried, "Avada Kedavra!"  
  
Hermione crumpled to the floor. She was dead.  
  
"Thank goodness for that, they were so annoyong those two!"  
  
"Tell me about it Harry!", Krum said while hitting his forehead.  
  
"Hey Krum?"  
  
"Ya."  
  
"I think were in trouble."  
  
"Cripes! We're in a sticky wicket!"  
  
"Why don't we blame it on Hagrid?"  
  
"That fat gamekeeper who always stupidly gives away information?"  
  
"Yep, that's the fella. I reckon he'll be kicked out like last time."  
  
"Ok, lets do it."  
  
So they did. Hagrid got kicked out and was sent to work at Guadalupes Mowing Service. He died a poor wizard and Voldemort killed Harry Potter.  
  
THE END 


End file.
